


Scar Tissue - Red Hot Chili Peppers

by eargunk



Category: Naruto
Genre: Depression, Friendly Sparring, M/M, Song fic, description of self mutilation at the half way point but it's not too bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 11:22:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20208916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eargunk/pseuds/eargunk
Summary: With the birds I share this lonely viewin'...





	Scar Tissue - Red Hot Chili Peppers

**Author's Note:**

> so uh the reader is based off of my oc taji hayashi but it can be read as just a simple reader fic
> 
> https://imgur.com/a/0jYiEKZ
> 
> thats his uh. yeah

_scar tissue that i wish you saw,_   
_sarcastic mr. know-it-all,_   
_close your eyes and i'll kiss you 'cause,_   
_with the birds i'll share._

we sat together in the third training ground, him sitting on top of the middle stump and me cross-legged on the right. he found me here, looking over the clearing, watching my contract animals enjoy the day out of the house. i asked him a few months ago if it was okay to train my own team here, knowing the grounds held meaning to him. he granted me access, saying something about how it 'wasn't just his training ground.' there was some hesitence in his words.

"you don't have to stay here with me if you don't want to, you know." i spoke up, looking over at the silver-haired man. he was reading, and didn't look up at me when he replied.

"i know."

i hummed in responce, turning back to my pack. twin foxes were my summoning animals, but three ninken accompanied me. they're quite the bunch, and do a damned good job at tiring me out. kakashi, while out on a walk with me, laughed and said he could relate, having eight ninken himself. they're able to take care of themselves, being highly intelligent, but sometimes they can be real needy bastards. 

i pushed myself up to my feet, raising my arms up and stretching out my body. "feel like sparring?"

"is that a challenge?" he asked, tucking a bookmark into the page he was on before closing his book.

icha-icha - his favourite line of novels. i snuck a peak at one of them during one of my stops at the bookstore i frequent. they're... interesting, to say the least. not my taste, i'm much more fond of sappy lovestories rather than smutty ones.

i chuckled, putting my hands on my hips and shaking my head. "i think you've mistaken me for someone else!" 

he tucked his book into one of the many pockets on his flak. "ma, maybe so. just a friendly spar then." 

"just a friendly spar."

_push me up against the wall,_   
_young kentucky girl in a push-up bra. _   
_fallin' all over myself,_   
_to lick your heart and taste your health._

we traded punches and jabs, gentle kicks and words. we bantered and teased, moreso me picking at kakashi in a friendly tone while he lightly chuckled and threw in the occasional word. 

it felt like we were children again, only without so much malice. he used to be such an angry kid, but you can't blame him. i handled my trauma better, laughing and joking it away, developing a new persona to hide my own depression and self-hatred, while he let his bubble over and consume him. i goaded him a lot, just to get him to fight me, just to feel something again. 

i feel bad about it, but he forgives me. he forgave every single one of my apologies. said he understood why i did it. said he doesn't harbour any ill-feelings towards me.

and when he apologizes for hitting a fresh scar on my side, i know that. 

after a while i call it quits and flop down onto the ground, trying to even out my breathing and staring up at the clouds. 

"thanks for that."

he hums and sits down to my right, stretching one leg out and pulling the other up to rest an arm on. 

i turn my head to look at him, _really_ look at him, and when he turns to me, i mumble,

"i think i love you."

_blood loss in a bathroom stall._   
_a southern girl with a scarlet drawl._   
_wave good-bye to mom and pa 'cause,_   
_with the birds i'll share._

_it hurts. it hurts to fucking much. he's crying over my body but i can't make out what he's saying. i move to sit on my knees and vomit up crimson. i vomit over and over and over and he's shaking and he doesn't know what to do. i'm shaking like a leaf in a hurricane and i don't know how i manage to pull a kunai from my pouch but i do. i instruct him to cut open the enemy and remove his heart between gagging. he does just that and brings the organ to me. i stab myself in the chest and bite down on my tongue so hard i nearly bite it off. i slice my skin down to the top of my ribs. i pant out more instructions. break my sternum and give me his heart. i pass out before he follows through._

_none of the hearts i harbour are mine anymore._

_i hold him through his panic attack, gentle rocking back and forth on my kitchen floor. he's sobbing and shaking and hiding his face into his hands. it's the first time i've seen him without his mask. i'm muttering drowned out affirmations while he wails into his hands, gently rubbing his back and telling him it's okay. we breathe together on my count when he calms down enough to hear. he asks if he can stay the night, asks if it's okay. i tell him he's welcome to stay over whenever he needs._

_we sleep on my floor that night._

_soft-spoken with a broken jaw._   
_step outside but not to brawl and,_   
_autumn's sweet, we call it fall,_   
_i'll make it to the moon if i have to crawl._

he kisses me as gently as he can, his chapped lips rough against mine. i tell him in a whisper that he needs to buy chapstick and he laughs. 

"too rough?"

"like sandpaper." 

he chuckles and i snort. we're sitting against the middle stump together, his hands resting on my shoulders and mine cupping his face, holding it so tenderly, as if he were porcelain. i rub a thumb against his cheek, over his mole, and i stare at him with stars in my eyes. 

he can't say it back, but i know he loves me as much as i love him, because the next time we go shopping a week later, he buys a tube of chapstick.


End file.
